Moose and Squirrel (Revision)

[Richard]

Hey Todd,
This is a wonderful piece. I remember reading this in the IISZ form, and liked it then too. I'll go into more detail below:

Revision

The first burden of childhood is time. -I like this line as a opening. It catches the reader's attention and sets the tone.

You learn this at school through the torture
of the clock’s unmoving hands,
no matter how hard you stare. -This image is true to life. I wonder if replacing the word "hard" with "long" would work better with the theme of time here? Just a thought.
The cruelty of eternity -I like the spacing here. The stanza break gives this line the emphasis it deserves.

is found in always waiting -For some reason I feel like you need a different word than "always". May be "anxious"?
beneath your desk, like my mother: frozen
by the siren, the duck and cover -I quite like the use of enjambment here. It gives the sense of the instability of the situation that is being described.
from light that will blind, then burn, leaving

your shadow an immortal -Personally, I would attach this back to the previous stanza. I just feel that you already used a similar technique in the previous stanza, so this might be overdoing it.
chalk drawing
under a soot-filled rain. -I love this image of the atomic bomb, and the shadow/fallout. It just sticks in my mind as a reader, which is another reason why I don't think it needs the extra emphasis of spacing it over two stanzas.
For me, oblivion -I wonder if this should be "oblivion" or "such oblivion". Kind of a nit-picking point.

was as far away as the dinosaurs. -This image works well with the theme of time.
We still counted missiles. Our guns were bigger
until they weren’t. We played G-Men
against Boris and Natasha at recess -I love the imagery in this stanza. I'm just wondering who would have to be Boris and Natasha in this game? Did they take turns at who was who? This is just something to think about if you want to expand on this image. More food for thought than anything.

then crowded eye-damagingly close -Why not just "too close" in stead of "eye-damagingly close"? Just a thought.
to a black and white television, 
its ears stretching like the rabbit 
our magician could never seem to pull -I remembering watching this in reruns as a child, so I appreciate this image. This is such a strong image because it's consistent with your imagery while also building on it.

from the hat between his antlers. He'd tear
away his sleeve, and with a magic pass -I like the description in this stanza. I just wonder if you need the second "and" in the next line.
of the hand and a confident Presto reveal 
not a bunny but a savage beast. -I would just say "a savage beast" here. I'm just not a huge fan of the word "bunny". Plus, I think just saying that would give the image more emphasis.

This is the second burden of childhood. -I like how the ending connects back to the opening. I also like how it relates to the theme of time and maturing. This is a strong ending. 

Original

The first burden of childhood is time,
hour stacked upon hour
a wall of bricks stretching 
into endless forever.

You learn this at school
through the torture of the hands
of the clock that will not move,
no matter how hard you stare.

Eternity is cruel when you’re always waiting
under your desk, like my mother
paralyzed by the siren, the inevitable 
extinction, that blinds, then burns, leaving
 
your shadow an immortal chalk drawing
as you empty from the room, a spilled cup
drained by the coming devastation. For me, oblivion

was as far away as the dinosaurs.
We still counted missiles in our icy war.
Our gun was bigger until it wasn’t.
We played spies at recess. Only, later 

to crowd eye-damagingly close 
to a black and white television, 
its ears stretching like the rabbit, 
our fool magician could never seem to pull

from the hat between his antlers. He'd tear
away his sleeve, and reach down.
Instead of a bunny, he'd reveal a savage beast.

This is the second burden of childhood.

~~
* From the IISZ prompts

I feel like a lot of what I suggested here is nit-picking, but I think that just shows how strong this piece is. I look forward to seeing where you take this from here.

Cheers,
Richard