draft 5. edge of earth
#3
Hey Alex, This works pretty well for me. "Frolic" kinda kills it for me, but hey, it's only one word. I feel like you could trim some of the small words and have a rather evocative extended faux-haiku 

(02-28-2018, 07:55 AM)alexorande Wrote:  found the cottage 
 
evening firmament is 
peeled  from the dream, releasing 
a balmy breeze of afternoon  
that children frolic in,  chas(e)ing seagulls

Ya that's pretty sparse, take what suits your poem.
Paul
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Messages In This Thread
draft 5. edge of earth - by alonso ramoran - 02-28-2018, 07:55 AM
RE: found the cottage - by vagabond - 02-28-2018, 08:40 AM
RE: found the cottage - by Tiger the Lion - 02-28-2018, 09:15 AM
RE: draft 5. edge of earth - by alonso ramoran - 03-10-2026, 11:08 PM



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