Enough Fake News

[tectak]

Hi tectak,
for what it's worth...

Today in New York City, a man of coloured origin,
Small suggestion - 'origins' ?
unhindered by the law, sat down and painted.
Similarly - 'unfettered'
(maybe you need a 'sidewalk' here to balance S3?)
Being by birth a palette in a grey town
he chose his brightest hues to demonstrate
his art. At first the blood-red paint ran through the cracks
Just an idea -
[H]e chose his brightest hues to demonstrate
his art, eing by birth a palette in a grey town
At first the blood-red paint ran through the cracks
Any alternative to 'paint' (feels a little repetitive after 'painted')?
Maybe a specific tone/shade (Alizarin Crimson, for instance)
[b]but some folk walked too close and carried foot prints
The ambiguity of 'carried foot prints' is interesting,
though not sure it helps.
along the sidewalk, almost to the edge of town.
like the 'almost'
He called his work “It could have been me”.

Today in Greenwich Village a man, who was no man at all,
danced naked in the rain, singing about his loves.
Why not 'singing of his loves' ?
He twirled on fairy-feet along the street, threw kisses
Maybe 'tossed kisses' (for the sonics)?
to a crowd of two that hurried past him running for shelter;
'hurried' and 'running'?
they never once called out, to shame or criticise him.
Children in a candy store, laughed loudly through glass panes;
'through'? 'Behind' I'd understand, or 'their laughter cut through'...
they only saw a dancing man, splashing in the rain.
I think this is rather a weak line (what with dancing/splashing/rain)
He called his dance “Because I Can”.

Today in Some Town, Somewhere, a quiet man[/b]
Why not 'some (quiet) man' ?
took out a gun and fired a bullet into his own right eye.
'his' and 'own' ?
Some folks who passed close by got brain and bone
Almost want 'rubberneck' in here somewhere.
The line also feels a bit weak after S1/L6
upon their fancy clothes. They hollered out in shock and rage,
'hollered out' after 'called out'?
but let the half-head guy bleed out just where he fell.
(another 'out) - Like 'half-head guy'
Some blood ran through the cracks but passers-by
'passers-by' after 'passed close by' ?
left dancing steps upon the sidewalk , skirting round.
just a suggestion - 'scarlet dance step diagrams'
Punctuation of the final two lines seems a bit off.
The man, though dead, said “ Enough is Enough”.
Could he say
...clearly "Enough is Enough" ?


Best, Knot.

Hi knot, sorry for tardy reply...I had to muck out the stables. You have scrubbed the loose dirt off this one and I will give it a polish in due course. All crit eaten,
Respect,
tectak