02-23-2018, 09:02 AM
Hi V,
In all honesty I'd probably do away with the last line. I like the uncertainty of the one before it to finish on, given the nature of her condition. Perhaps you'd consider a comma in that line, after still, to capture a bit of ambiguity from the line before.
i.e.
and its air --
then still.
and still, she seems waiting for answers
In all honesty I'd probably do away with the last line. I like the uncertainty of the one before it to finish on, given the nature of her condition. Perhaps you'd consider a comma in that line, after still, to capture a bit of ambiguity from the line before.
i.e.
and its air --
then still.
and still, she seems waiting for answers
It could be worse