Nature's Epilogue - tear it apart!

[Tiger the Lion]

Hello, and welcome. Not sure if this is really ready for this forum. But...

I watch the sun in passing
to it's hand the green does grow;
through it's awesome powers
the gift of life does flow. Would you ever use "does" in this way in actual speech? Twice even? 

I watch in apprehension
this golden deity at work
when I see the gift of life withdrawn
turning fertile oasis
into baron(spelling) desert.

And I can't help but wonder
if it is so written by design
in nature's contract of power
a sub-clause of decline. Imagine this verse on all one line. A  punctuation nightmare. You are asking your line breaks to do all the work. 

I see the sun bring Eden
I see the rain guard the fruit;
I see two forces restraining
from what in-silo each can do. I'm sure you've conceived of something clever here. But it doesn't translate.

And if such be Her intention
A just balance in life's span
Is it to any wonder
what will result of man? Sounds important, but I don't know what is being asked.

I see it all around me
In sad streams, and sinking ice slopes too...
the sins we have created,
the lamenting we must do.

But nature wrote long before us
a steady and condign plan
and in that,
perhaps she always knew:
man will destroy man.

I'm going to stop there. For me the poem is more interested in sounding like a poem than expressing an idea. I know you started with an idea. Go back to it and don't worry so much how it sounds.