02-16-2018, 03:56 PM
[quote="moot" pid='238810' dateline='1517033477']
Paper Dolls - Draft Two
Paper dolls
Cut to please
In perfect rows
Sharply creased
Bleached doll parts
Creep into slow decay -I feel like this line doesn't flow, but it could just be the way I am reading it. At the start you set quite a fast pace, short sentences, and this seems slightly out of place.
Paper creasing into scars
Sheets of ivory fray
Like a scythe
The clocks hands reave
Paper doll heads tumble
The end offers reprieve
Infinity never stumbles-this is interesting, it is contradicting and challenging the sentences above (not in any bad way, the way you have done it is good). It meantions the "death" of dolls, then how something that is infinite doesn't stop. Dolls could be viewed as infinite since they don't "die" in that way it might contradict, however it could also slightly change meanings. Giving a moral, such as 'the doll she aren't infinite' or even deeper 'no object in this world is infinite'. Well done
Paper dolls stare
Eyes that never blink
Paper dolls do not care
Paper dolls do not think-I like these last two lines, it ends on a rhyme, but also it seems to confirm the theme of the poem and gives what is as close as poetry gets to a moral.
Paper Dolls - Draft Two
Paper dolls
Cut to please
In perfect rows
Sharply creased
Bleached doll parts
Creep into slow decay -I feel like this line doesn't flow, but it could just be the way I am reading it. At the start you set quite a fast pace, short sentences, and this seems slightly out of place.
Paper creasing into scars
Sheets of ivory fray
Like a scythe
The clocks hands reave
Paper doll heads tumble
The end offers reprieve
Infinity never stumbles-this is interesting, it is contradicting and challenging the sentences above (not in any bad way, the way you have done it is good). It meantions the "death" of dolls, then how something that is infinite doesn't stop. Dolls could be viewed as infinite since they don't "die" in that way it might contradict, however it could also slightly change meanings. Giving a moral, such as 'the doll she aren't infinite' or even deeper 'no object in this world is infinite'. Well done
Paper dolls stare
Eyes that never blink
Paper dolls do not care
Paper dolls do not think-I like these last two lines, it ends on a rhyme, but also it seems to confirm the theme of the poem and gives what is as close as poetry gets to a moral.