Together, apart

[poetkitten]

Together, apart
 
Together

He saw oversized scrubs, a body trying its very hardest
to fill every last stitch and pocket, endearingly,
honestly fit, she fashioned it and flowed freely,
through halls of his mind, two workers, perfect unison in hand and mind
chained to a soul duty, a personal creed backgrounded by a full set
of stars and stripes, uniform, with ammunition toted in a 50-pound camo backpack.
It made her back arch, ache, and upon a 95-pound frame, still bore the mass
of he and his whole world.
 
It was confirmed then and there. Schooling was a selfish venture
He knew his motivations incomplete, time ticked away irreverently to the real truth.
Right then and there, amidst her maze of messes,
he re-evaluated, over-analyzed his whole, picked at every fiber
getting lost and confused amidst her tachy heart rates.
If he could study the art of her mind it would lead him to
wander endlessly, analyze and adore it all
symphonies of JoJo would reverberate, rattle bones, shiver spines
 
He silently screamed, have patience!
Her life, it’s soul independence was worth all and any treasure. 
Soft, molded living gold right before his eyes,
there is so safety deposit box worthy,
no sense hoarding it, hiding this pure beauty from the world.
 
He did not curate, no museum tour guide classes
no ownership, nor want to make transparent glass boxes
to keep belongings in. No wall, story, or post was part of the plan;
his want for her to see the indescribable infinite beauty he saw. -Perhaps you could make this shorter or use some descriptive word, it's too long winded for me. You could use a beautiful object instead, for example diamond. They are both beautiful and valuable. 'his want for her to see the glinting diamond he saw'. Or going deeper, 'the diamond in the rough' which could suggest that he sees the beauty and the value because he knows what to look for, and that others might not or he is trying to get her to see this 'hidden' value. It could also possibly mean inner instead of outer beauty. You could even mention beauty or infinite, for example 'the infinite, glinting diamond' or 'the beautiful diamond in the rough'. This could be a recurring theme with 'the safety deposit box' above. I do however like what this phrase is implying, even if it breaks the flow slightly. 
What mirror could fit a pedestal so high? 
Even if the subject only stood near five feet tall
 
Apart
He could have had her in three steps.
He made a choice that took him three steps further away
from becoming the man he wanted so desperately to be.
 
Step one,
that man used his heart more than his brain.
He was smart enough to know how stupid smart people can be. -This is a good saying
He let go of his metal and electric brain, sacrificed his philosophy -You mention him being intelligent, at least somewhat, then use "cleaver" words, which adds to the effect of this stanza because somehow those words seem conscious, as if they are a part of him and he said it. Very good, I wouldn't have thought of using this in my own poems.
for hers, because there is no truth in Nietzsche, only truth in her.
 
Step two,
that man embraced worship. Made it his priority
to sit with her every weekend and feel the connection together. -Draws past experiences out from the reader to get them more emotionally involved, would almost make them go 'awww' (sadly, or rather happily, I have not yet experienced this yet)
He said “I want to go.”
Not “I’ll go with her.”
 
Step three,
that man saw all the goodness within her
proclaimed it true every day,
told the world she was beautiful in every way.
Not just because of what she could become,
because of who she already was.
The man that looked at her
saw everything he ever wanted
Because all he ever wanted was what he saw.
 
The choice he made instead.
His most important choice.
One he will hold with him as his only regret.
He chose not to try when it mattered most,
when she wanted him as much as he wanted her.
He chose not to seize the opportunity to become
The man he so desperately wanted to be.
 
He would have become that man.
If only he would have danced with her at that wedding.
If only he would have held her in that pink dress.
If only he would have told her “I miss you too” instead of telling himself “I’ll see her on Tuesday.”
Monday was when he lost her forever. -For some strange reason, I feel like this sentence could be improved slightly by addeding the word because at the start. That could just be me though...'Because Monday was when he lost her forever'. 'Because' makes the sentence explain, in this case makes it explain and connects itself to the if. After saying all those if onlys, the readers will want to know what would have happened, and what already did happen. Personally, I find because more satisfying because it explains these questions enough but leaves on a partial cliff hanger, leaving questions in the readers mind instead of simply stating something.

I hope this helped! I'm new to critic though so I'm not sure...