Second Edit: Double-Murder and Suicide

[Todd]

Hi Richard,

I think your title isn't doing you any favors. By the time we hit the first strophe we get double murder suicide. We may not put it in those words but we get it. I'm hesitant to suggest some of the changes I've thought about because they could easily push this over the top. I think what you need here are more understated moments. You also need to decide what sort of poem this is going to be. When I read S1, I think of sort of a neo-imagism describing the thing. When you step into the thoughts it's less effective for me and almost an omnipresent narrator overlaid confessional poetry.

Titles could reveal the subject: Something with the Crippler Crossface
Titles could hint at his identity and give a nod to the act: Counted Out

Just thoughts. 

First Edit:

As he planned his suicide,
her blood settled into a towel
their son's room silent.--perhaps a now in front of silent (not necessary--and with the sedation maybe it was always silent). No real issues with the stark opening. When you do this, I think you are at your most effective.

What is the easiest way to break one's neck?
his last question.--Perhaps don't get into his thoughts. Have him work his hands around his neck as if trying to apply a hold as if trying to break his next. Let the action drive this not the reflection on the action. Have the action seem to ask the question--not him. Distance him from the moment.

The crudest answer would be hands.

His solution was gym equipment,--His solution is unsatisfying. You're missing an opportunity to reveal identity. Blend more terms in but try not to overdo it be subtle heel turn, in this case "His finisher" https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glossary_o...ling_terms. I'd still say be subtle about it but hint more.
weights arranged to snap quickly,--I'm usually a minimalist but maybe some repetition on snap and a retreat from the implications.
I like to think nothing is truly instantaneous.--I'm not a fan of the omnipresent observation. The poem itself does this. Perhaps replace I like to think with but.

I imagine the world was spinning too fast for him,
angels were asleep with concussions.
I imagine him holding a bible,
yet unable to remember where he found it.
Sedating them probably made him feel almost humane,
another unknown only he owns.--In my opinion, this section has some good possibility though the perspective needs to narrow back to his final moments. Do not leave his perspective.

Of course, all of that is just my perspective. Use what you like. I hope some of it helps.

Best,

Todd