Push
#18
(11-14-2017, 10:39 AM)Persadia Wrote:  Push

Curl up

Protect yourself
Your head
Your Heart
your Being


The onslaught

Push forward
one step


Each moment a lost one

Nothing to sink into
Nothing to become


The torrent continues

Breathe.  Recall the Reason

But death, ever present.  cutting

Each moment a thief
stealing your soul
steeling your soul
This poem reads like a staccato burst of reflex reactions of the mind - indeed, lines with haphazard indents is a technique that might work well with it. "Stealing your soul" is a bit of a clichéd phrase though, and saying it twice does not make it less of one. As such, you might want to work on the ending, although changing it entirely might detract from the central idea that conceived the poem.
Reply


Messages In This Thread
Push - by Persadia - 11-14-2017, 10:39 AM
RE: Push - by Lizzie - 11-14-2017, 10:57 AM
RE: Push - by vagabond - 11-15-2017, 01:13 AM
RE: Push - by alonso ramoran - 11-15-2017, 05:34 AM
RE: Push - by homer1950 - 11-15-2017, 05:42 AM
RE: Push - by bloated_corpse - 11-15-2017, 05:58 AM
RE: Push - by Persadia - 11-16-2017, 01:17 AM
RE: Push - by vagabond - 11-16-2017, 06:32 AM
RE: Push - by Lizzie - 11-16-2017, 02:25 AM
RE: Push - by nibbed - 11-16-2017, 03:33 AM
RE: Push - by tony3 - 11-17-2017, 07:12 AM
RE: Push - by Achebe - 11-17-2017, 09:12 AM
RE: Push - by GVBOY1966 - 11-28-2017, 03:59 PM
RE: Push - by Bloodline - 11-30-2017, 08:03 PM
RE: Push - by Mopkins - 12-04-2017, 09:35 PM
RE: Push - by Psychonyxx - 12-05-2017, 06:53 AM
RE: Push - by Rorf Asalis - 12-16-2017, 03:22 AM
RE: Push - by ritwiksadhu33 - 01-27-2018, 04:18 AM
RE: Push - by therabbitisme - 01-30-2018, 06:35 AM
RE: Push - by gconrad - 02-13-2018, 12:14 AM
RE: Push - by moot - 02-25-2018, 10:39 PM



Users browsing this thread: 2 Guest(s)
Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!