01-21-2018, 04:50 AM
Why do you sit there and judge me for being a loner
When the only time i feel lonely is around you.
You who bring me down because if its me, its not you.
You who judge me before you know me.
Because it's easier to punish me, if you think i deserve it.
You taught me that if so many people hate me there must be a reason
That there is something wrong with me.
That i deserve it.
So many comments and punishments brought me down.
So that when you i'm told i am pretty, i want to cry,
Because all it did was remind me that i wasn't.
Everyday i try to repent so tomorrow will change,
Because I dont want to keep living for a tomorrow that will always be a yesterday.
I regret every day, I should have already ended it.
In time i will be done with yesterday and it will be my last.
You drive me closer to my last, you are killing me.
But its okay, I deserve it, don't I?
but i no longer care.
It's my last yesterday.
Because you taught me and i learned.
If it's someone else, it's not me.
and i judge their flaws,
because they deserve it and i don't feel bad.
People hate them for a reason.
There is something wrong with them.
They deserve it.
I do it because I can't live another yesterday,
but i can survive a tomorrow.
Even if the price of my tomorrow is their yesterday.
but one day will be their last
and maybe they won't get a tomorrow.
I am killing them
but its okay, they deserve it, don't they?
....
I saw that
Why do you sit there and judge me
for becoming you.
Because this happens every fucking day
and we don't want to think we are part of the problem
We want to think that we are good people
So we call others garbage people
We tell ourselves they are disposable.
So we don't feel guilty sacrificing them for our own gain
because as long as it is anyone else, its not us.
and if they are flawed
They deserve it and we don't feel bad.
Why do you sit there and judge others.
You do it to justify your own actions
You do it to hide your own flaws, even from yourself.
because if it's someone else its not you.
You dont want to be a garbage human
You dont want to be disposable.
You want to be validated.
You want to be worthy.
You want it to be anyone but you.
Why do we judge each other
When we are all human.
We are not garbage
We are not disposable
We are flawed but we are worthy
We all just want to be accepted
None of us want to be the victim
We all want to live to see better days.
When we have a bad day we don't want to think tomorrow will just be another yesterday.
Why do we think the only way to change that is by becoming what we hate?
Is it easier to validate ourselves by attacking others?
Does stepping on others bring us closer to the top?
It does, but is it worth it.
If you take away the lies you tell yourself,
Would you still feel like you are a good person?
That people like you?
Do you like you?
I'm not going to tell you that that better day will just come along.
It wont not unless you do something to change your yesterday
but that doesn't mean that you can take your tomorrow from someone else.
Hi Kailey Bear
I liked the message, seemingly a plea or reminder of bullying humans, but in part, could also tie into ethnic cleansing. Pain and hurt were evident so I desired all to be well for the speaker. I think it could use a great deal of shortening, though, at least a cut in the repetition of words. It seems to be all expression. I think the poem could include word images, tell where the speaker is standing or sitting, what they see, specifics on why they express their plea. Making word images can be tricky, but you can do it!
For example, I will take this paragraph and add (word) images:
So many comments and punishments brought me down.
So that when you i'm told i am pretty, i want to cry,
Because all it did was remind me that i wasn't.
change it by sharpening grammar
and eliminating repetitious words
and adding word images:
Your constant put-downs hurt.
My hair was too straight, I spoke with a lisp. (I gave an example)
When you told me that rainy day (I told of an event)
under the old magnolia tree
I was pretty,
I wanted to cry like the sky
because all it did was remind me I wasn't.
Sometimes it helps when I write a poem and go over it several several times before posting it for critique.
Sometimes I don't see things right away after writing them, but passion compels me to post.
It helps if I save my most passionate poems on my drafts, so I can tweak it later, an option we have here.
Many times I keep a poem on my draft, go back to it each day, refining and fixing it before posting.
Sometimes I forget because so often influences make us want to get it out!
I hope this helps and I hope your day is filled with sunshine and happiness.
-nibbed
When the only time i feel lonely is around you.
You who bring me down because if its me, its not you.
You who judge me before you know me.
Because it's easier to punish me, if you think i deserve it.
You taught me that if so many people hate me there must be a reason
That there is something wrong with me.
That i deserve it.
So many comments and punishments brought me down.
So that when you i'm told i am pretty, i want to cry,
Because all it did was remind me that i wasn't.
Everyday i try to repent so tomorrow will change,
Because I dont want to keep living for a tomorrow that will always be a yesterday.
I regret every day, I should have already ended it.
In time i will be done with yesterday and it will be my last.
You drive me closer to my last, you are killing me.
But its okay, I deserve it, don't I?
but i no longer care.
It's my last yesterday.
Because you taught me and i learned.
If it's someone else, it's not me.
and i judge their flaws,
because they deserve it and i don't feel bad.
People hate them for a reason.
There is something wrong with them.
They deserve it.
I do it because I can't live another yesterday,
but i can survive a tomorrow.
Even if the price of my tomorrow is their yesterday.
but one day will be their last
and maybe they won't get a tomorrow.
I am killing them
but its okay, they deserve it, don't they?
....
I saw that
Why do you sit there and judge me
for becoming you.
Because this happens every fucking day
and we don't want to think we are part of the problem
We want to think that we are good people
So we call others garbage people
We tell ourselves they are disposable.
So we don't feel guilty sacrificing them for our own gain
because as long as it is anyone else, its not us.
and if they are flawed
They deserve it and we don't feel bad.
Why do you sit there and judge others.
You do it to justify your own actions
You do it to hide your own flaws, even from yourself.
because if it's someone else its not you.
You dont want to be a garbage human
You dont want to be disposable.
You want to be validated.
You want to be worthy.
You want it to be anyone but you.
Why do we judge each other
When we are all human.
We are not garbage
We are not disposable
We are flawed but we are worthy
We all just want to be accepted
None of us want to be the victim
We all want to live to see better days.
When we have a bad day we don't want to think tomorrow will just be another yesterday.
Why do we think the only way to change that is by becoming what we hate?
Is it easier to validate ourselves by attacking others?
Does stepping on others bring us closer to the top?
It does, but is it worth it.
If you take away the lies you tell yourself,
Would you still feel like you are a good person?
That people like you?
Do you like you?
I'm not going to tell you that that better day will just come along.
It wont not unless you do something to change your yesterday
but that doesn't mean that you can take your tomorrow from someone else.
Hi Kailey Bear
I liked the message, seemingly a plea or reminder of bullying humans, but in part, could also tie into ethnic cleansing. Pain and hurt were evident so I desired all to be well for the speaker. I think it could use a great deal of shortening, though, at least a cut in the repetition of words. It seems to be all expression. I think the poem could include word images, tell where the speaker is standing or sitting, what they see, specifics on why they express their plea. Making word images can be tricky, but you can do it!
For example, I will take this paragraph and add (word) images:
So many comments and punishments brought me down.
So that when you i'm told i am pretty, i want to cry,
Because all it did was remind me that i wasn't.
change it by sharpening grammar
and eliminating repetitious words
and adding word images:
Your constant put-downs hurt.
My hair was too straight, I spoke with a lisp. (I gave an example)
When you told me that rainy day (I told of an event)
under the old magnolia tree
I was pretty,
I wanted to cry like the sky
because all it did was remind me I wasn't.
Sometimes it helps when I write a poem and go over it several several times before posting it for critique.
Sometimes I don't see things right away after writing them, but passion compels me to post.
It helps if I save my most passionate poems on my drafts, so I can tweak it later, an option we have here.
Many times I keep a poem on my draft, go back to it each day, refining and fixing it before posting.
Sometimes I forget because so often influences make us want to get it out!
I hope this helps and I hope your day is filled with sunshine and happiness.
-nibbed
there's always a better reason to love