Second Edit: Double-Murder and Suicide

[Todd]

Hi Richard,

As I was reading this and considering your structure, I wondered what would happen if you pushed it and doubled down even more. I was thinking of Wallace Steven's Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Blackbird (except with your topic in mind. It might add more tension and move the piece in an interesting direction.

I
What is the easiest way to break one's neck?--Questions are hard to use as openings. This one's pretty good. With the title it draws me in.

Hands,
once belonging to a father, husband, son,--This feels like a slight miss. I think you want to answer your question a few ways before having the speaker begin reflecting on their relationship with their victims.
given to fire, a failed cleanse.

Gym equipment,
weights arranged to snap quickly,
nothing is truly instantaneous.--After a few ideas, perhaps separate this with one line of white space 

II
Friday night,--Another way to link this might be to have a question lead in for each section (thirteen questions if you will).
her blood settles into a towel,--solid image. You may want to end the section with it. Though I do also like the tears line.
their fight transforms into a forgotten dream.--a bit throwaway of a line
In his brain he hears his name chanted,
only to wake up alone, bathed in blackness,--bathed in blackness is on the edge of melodrama for me (maybe others won't react to it like I am)
angels still asleep with concussions,
the world spinning too fast.
He holds a bible and tries to remember
where he found it.
Even his tears are unsure of whose cheeks they are wetting.

III
Sedation feels the most humane.
He becomes a spectator for the rest:
feet sneak towards the door,
there will be no knock or happy goodnights,
arms, hands finish too fast.
Dazed, he manages to find a bible
and gives it to his son.

I hope some of that will be helpful.


Best,

Todd