Mea culpa, mea defensio.edit 1.0 vaga, richard

[vagabond]

Forgotten music hums in gaps, where once the sharps rang like a bell.
In padded cell of aerogel, where click and hiss exist no more,
like voices blown in shearing wind, I cannot fill the spaces in;           
so ask again, what did you say? What was that? I missed the word,    i stumbled over rhythm here because i read this with stresses on "say" and the second "what" in the line.. maybe it could be re-phrased.   though actually it´s ok, reflecting the interrupted conversation.
I’m sorry.
 
Can you see that bright red star, right there, above the shadowed pines?
Surely, the trees are clear, my love, dusk-drawn upon our homely  hill….    could you write "for sure" instead of "surely" to put the stress on the second syllable?
You used to say that you were glad when when once its outline rose to view,
only a mile or two to go…but yes, perhaps, a red tail-light…nothing more,   tried to press it into 8 iambs..  "a little walk... but yes, perhaps a tail-light´s red... and nothing more"
I’m sorry.
 
Some things that change slip by unseen; the missing kiss before we sleep.  
More  fateful  are our thoughts  each day but only when the night is near      
do swords hang from the fading sphere, above us in the dead of dreams.   i don´t quite understand these 2 lines - when thoughts are fateful by day how is that so different from those nightly damokles swords?
Please wake again, I blame myself, kiss me when your memory stirs.             just a minor detail: maybe some other thing instead of kiss.. as it already is in the first line. maybe simply "talk to me when memory stirs?"
I’m sorry.
 


i like those internal rhymes. and the  iambs.

"padded cell of aerogel" did make me think of impaired hearing (before i read your reply to richard, but only after i looked into the wiki article on aerogel)
and the poem also seems to talk about how a couple can become deaf to each other on a non-acoustic plane, too.
alternatively the aerogel would filter out memories of fights and sharp words uttered.. oh, i like that even more.

"please wake again" made me wonder if the wife had died, but then you included the wife in those thoughts over fate and fading dreams and so i imagined her ill, and the husband hoping at her bed.. though "when your memory stirs" doesn´t fit into this interpretation.. doesn´t matter so much, it´s probably just me not getting something.

those little lines of "i´m sorry" at the stanzas´s ends are powerful to me and outweigh all the explanations and defenses.