01-19-2018, 02:19 PM
Forgotten music hums in gaps, where once the sharps rang like a bell.
In padded cell of aerogel, where click and hiss exist no more, -aerogel is interesting, brings us to ultra-modern times of comfort
like voices blown in shearing wind, I cannot fill the spaces in; -I'm liking click and hiss and thinking it should be so ask again, what did you say? What was that? I missed the word, the intro, it's telling of age, signaling reminiscence that only
I’m sorry. baby boomers and those before might understand.
Can you see that bright red star, right there, above the shadowed pines?
Surely, the trees are clear, my love, dusk-drawn upon our homely hill….
You used to say that you were glad when when once its outline rose to view, -when/when
only a mile or two to go…but yes, perhaps, a red tail-light…nothing more,
I’m sorry.
Some things that change slip by unseen; the missing kiss before we sleep. -tragedy
More fateful are our thoughts each day but only when the night is near -I'd end this line with some punct
do swords hang from the fading sphere, above us in the dead of dreams. -a question mark ending this line
Please wake again, I blame myself, kiss me when your memory stirs.
I’m sorry.
Tectak
I definitely had a visual going on here.
There was some challenge with my posting the critique, a bit of pestilence.
Best wishes for your poem.
-nibbed
In padded cell of aerogel, where click and hiss exist no more, -aerogel is interesting, brings us to ultra-modern times of comfort
like voices blown in shearing wind, I cannot fill the spaces in; -I'm liking click and hiss and thinking it should be so ask again, what did you say? What was that? I missed the word, the intro, it's telling of age, signaling reminiscence that only
I’m sorry. baby boomers and those before might understand.
Can you see that bright red star, right there, above the shadowed pines?
Surely, the trees are clear, my love, dusk-drawn upon our homely hill….
You used to say that you were glad when when once its outline rose to view, -when/when
only a mile or two to go…but yes, perhaps, a red tail-light…nothing more,
I’m sorry.
Some things that change slip by unseen; the missing kiss before we sleep. -tragedy
More fateful are our thoughts each day but only when the night is near -I'd end this line with some punct
do swords hang from the fading sphere, above us in the dead of dreams. -a question mark ending this line
Please wake again, I blame myself, kiss me when your memory stirs.
I’m sorry.
Tectak
I definitely had a visual going on here.
There was some challenge with my posting the critique, a bit of pestilence.
Best wishes for your poem.
-nibbed
there's always a better reason to love