Bowling Green's Underbelly

[ellajam]

Hi, AD, I didn't read your intro, but found the piece readable and meaningful, a few notes:

Bowling Green's Underbelly

The odor of burning marijuana reeks from a room at the Days Inn
Two cops were on the scene, pure coincidence
They knock on the door,
"Who is it?"
"It's the Bowling Green Police on a routine visit"
No reply, only a quiet "hush"
Followed by the sound of a toilet flush
Now the door opens,
It ain't hard to tell what they been smoking,
But that ain't all, something's odd
A suspicious bag gave em probable cause
The cops bust in, what'ya know?
Looked under the bed and found a bag of coke
Now in the nightstand, they found a stash of heroin
I ain't spitting fiction, Read this in the Daily News
Only last weekend
I bet you think it's an isolated incident,
But pay attention and the issue's evident
Underneath the guise of regularity,
Bowling Green has a side that I find scary "I find" sounds off, disconnected, it's not just what the N finds scary, it is scary.
Every day more drugs pass through
It's like an epidemic
Heroin is spreading like the common flu
I know this for a fact, This line with the "just" below reads like filler.
Just six years ago I lived with my mom,
and she was addicted to crack
The two lines above seem like a missed opportunity to me. This is the door to the terror where the reader could really be impacted on an emotional level, moved. I'd expand on this.
Yet there's rarely an arrest
Man, are the cops taking a rest?
Off the top of my head Again, reads as filler to me.
There were about 8 bank robberies last year
All of em unsolved, do ya'll even want my respect?
This town may not have a ghetto
But drugs and violence are here, it shows
Everybody can keep living blind,
Act like your problems aren't mine,
But this has gone on too long and it's just a matter of time
Before more of em wise up and realize
Bowling Green, Ky is a low life's paradise

I think a few tweaks could really raise this up, good luck with it.