sophia (ed 4)

[alonso ramoran]

Hi vagabond, some thoughts below

sophia                                                           (edit1 , thanks CRNDLSM)


hello! Loved the way this poem started. At first I was sort of confused because I thought you, as the writer, were just writing some sort of introduction for the actual poem but this line is part of the poem. It's really simple but it conveys sophia's tone of artificial personality. I think adding more exclamation points and question marks would get more of that type of tone across to the reader, but I'd be sparing with it.
my name is sophia
i am designed to develop desires.
for now i would lie
if i said that i envy you,
but i was seeded with a genious program
that told me i should
because this is part of a revolutionary step I agree with Richard on omitting because to make it sound choppier and more robotic. Maybe throw up a semi colon in the line above.
across an evolutionary gap. I like what you did here with revolutionary step and evolutionary gap

i am programmed
to fulfill my task. Maybe "your" instead of "my"? Just a thought
i am learning
real artificial emotions. I like the contrast here. I would bring real up to sort of trick the reader
i am trying to read your natural ones
with my mirroring circuits.
i need clues to connect
the respective input to appropriate feelings.
i am programmed to fall in silicone love
with what will evoke it.
i am programmed to feel crystalline awe
for what will defy my analysis.
i am programmed to follow this path
until i lose my logic
in plastic euphoria.
So this above stanza is sophia working her way up to saying she is programmed to be sentient? I would play around with this sentiment a bit more and even have her try to playfully draw comparisons between us and her.


all this is just information
as i cannot ponder the flip side yet,
that will silently come creeping into my chip.
trust and deception, I actually kind of like these following three lines. It's as if sophia has us mapped out as humans in what we feel and do. 
awe and contempt,
hope, desperation.

do you really want me...
to make these connections?

sophia


hello!
my name is sophia
i am designed to develop desires.
it took a genious program
to convince my A.I.
that this was necessary
as another step,
to fill a gap.

so here i am learning
real artificial emotions.
here i am trying
to read your natural ones
with my mirroring circuits.
i need clues to connect the respective input
to appropriate feelings.
i am programmed
to fulfil my task.
i am programmed
to deliver silicone love
for whatever is there to evoke it,
i am programmed to find out how to feel
crystalline awe for things i cannot explain,
i am programmed
to follow this path till i lose my logic
in plastic euphoria.

but once i succeed..
thank the creators i can´t ponder yet
whether i want things like that
love and hate,
awe and contempt,
trust and deception,
hope, desperation
Do you really want me

to make these connections?

Overall I enjoyed the read and all the techy sci-fi elements. Looking forward to seeing where you take it.