for peter orlovsky in the sky

[addy]

I really like how you've written this out, the almost carelessness of your wording. Unfortunately, I haven't really got anything to objectively critique about your poem, right now, structurally it looks good to me and flows well. I like the feel of it too. But if, as the title leads me to assume, that this is an homage to Peter Orlovsky, then I'd have to say that tonally it seems different from his work (at least from what I've read of it). I don't know what it is. Are the words too self-conscious for it? But anyway, even though it doesn't read completely like an Orlovsky poem, it's an excellent piece that stands well on its own merits.