Eve

[AttnAttack]

we met with ashen tongues
keeping hushed the sins we lay
thinking of.  then the night comes.
        — 'qu'est-ce que j'ai fait?'
'our visit'
            'ce bordel sur mon lit'

i received you on my knees

References: Love Song of Alfred Prufrock, T. S. Eliot
                    Paradise Lost, Book 10, John Milton

this is a pretty little poem, that almost too obviously rejects grammatical standards [i'm assuming because you don't actually speak french--at least not very well], but nevertheless it works.
I see no purpose in the reference at the end, because the poem is probably not half as clever as you think it is. but, it does capture something, a moment, very simply and sweetly.

I'm gonna rename the poem so people can see what I'm trying to do .  The line 'then the night comes.' is very important.  It can be read as either the man is orgasming or as the exile of Adam and Eve.  I hope this helps. I am also going to remove the line 'our visit' since it is the main thing I borrowed from Eliots poem, but I don't think it's necessary to convey what I needed in the initial read.  Ashen tongues and the Milton reference must stay, since reading his description of original sin leaving ash in the mouth made me think of cigarettes, especially ones after sex. Might change "sins" plural, to "sin" singular to make a subtle hint towards original sin, although I think plural works just fine since they know of all sin at this point.

My French is passable, but I haven't spent any time immersed in the language.  I am on my second year in college with it as my minor.