12-29-2017, 01:30 PM
Hey alexorande,
I think the new title is better, yet I feel like it isn't a perfect fit. I like the change in POV. My only suggestion about it is the wording in the fifth line, "I have returned". To me, that sounds a bit overly dramatic, so I wonder if you could say differently? I think you're going in the right direction here.
Cheers,
Richard
I think the new title is better, yet I feel like it isn't a perfect fit. I like the change in POV. My only suggestion about it is the wording in the fifth line, "I have returned". To me, that sounds a bit overly dramatic, so I wonder if you could say differently? I think you're going in the right direction here.
Cheers,
Richard
Time is the best editor.