12-24-2017, 01:26 PM
Soon your internet will be slowing because of the Net Neutrality changes: just kidding
All jokes aside,
I appreciate the line breaks and do not believe they could be better as the poem is. Especially the break between
"not due to my wires becoming wet (here I am really able to feel the wetness of the rainy day. It comes back and I can imagine water pattering on a window sitting on a laptop)
but from my sleepless neighbor streaming"
I really have a thing for short poems lately. They tell a story so quickly and every word seems to matter a bit more. As a bit of feedback I could see this poem being stronger with stronger sensory words. "slows" especially I think could be targeted at a stronger word (potentially even a negative word depending if you are trying to create a feeling of discontent with the lack of internet speed). A word like "crawls" feels strong to me.
All jokes aside,
I appreciate the line breaks and do not believe they could be better as the poem is. Especially the break between
"not due to my wires becoming wet (here I am really able to feel the wetness of the rainy day. It comes back and I can imagine water pattering on a window sitting on a laptop)
but from my sleepless neighbor streaming"
I really have a thing for short poems lately. They tell a story so quickly and every word seems to matter a bit more. As a bit of feedback I could see this poem being stronger with stronger sensory words. "slows" especially I think could be targeted at a stronger word (potentially even a negative word depending if you are trying to create a feeling of discontent with the lack of internet speed). A word like "crawls" feels strong to me.