12-24-2017, 01:09 PM
I really appreciate the concept of losing a significant other. I read this as the loss of a significant other leading to angst, depression, and loneliness.
"Her footprints lead nowhere.
You already know this, but still
you stop and consider:"
This to me is the precursor of information needed to interpret the poem further. I read the rest of the poem as a train of thought, whereas this is more background information to get the reader in the right mind frame for the train of thought.
"cold as your skin when lying alone."
This is the line that brings the reader back home to the speaker and what they are experiencing physically. I'd like to see you play with a word other than "cold". Something a little bit more descriptive maybe and feeling evoking. Frigid, glacial, arctic: these words create more of a sensory experience for me.
"Your body pulses in defiance, sweat pools"
This line did it for me. I can feel the throbs of my body in different places leading to angst.
"Your decision made, you move on."
Given the title of the poem being The Search, I'd like to see this line end in a more inconclusive manner, much like ending the search of a missing person. It isn't truly known if they are gone for ever, but it can be felt. Moving on is likely the only thing to do, but this seems like an abrupt ending to a "search". I'd like to see more suspense potentially, even if inevitably the poem is ended with this line.
Overall I love the concept of them poem, and I appreciated the way that it made me feel.
"Her footprints lead nowhere.
You already know this, but still
you stop and consider:"
This to me is the precursor of information needed to interpret the poem further. I read the rest of the poem as a train of thought, whereas this is more background information to get the reader in the right mind frame for the train of thought.
"cold as your skin when lying alone."
This is the line that brings the reader back home to the speaker and what they are experiencing physically. I'd like to see you play with a word other than "cold". Something a little bit more descriptive maybe and feeling evoking. Frigid, glacial, arctic: these words create more of a sensory experience for me.
"Your body pulses in defiance, sweat pools"
This line did it for me. I can feel the throbs of my body in different places leading to angst.
"Your decision made, you move on."
Given the title of the poem being The Search, I'd like to see this line end in a more inconclusive manner, much like ending the search of a missing person. It isn't truly known if they are gone for ever, but it can be felt. Moving on is likely the only thing to do, but this seems like an abrupt ending to a "search". I'd like to see more suspense potentially, even if inevitably the poem is ended with this line.
Overall I love the concept of them poem, and I appreciated the way that it made me feel.