12-16-2017, 03:22 AM
Your metaphor doesn't work very succesfully in my opinion. In any way one could think of anything that deteriorates for and from onslaught, but I chose to think of the obvious.
I find a common idea here with you because some time ago I also called real death thief, "....thief death, you are stealing our things..." I said, and also ".....we wane breadth by breadth..." I'll post this here too as elsewhere, with title Time is on the other side. So I feel related but at the same time distant. What I wouldn't say, is "Each moment a lost one" that's too much, because many moments are so pleasant that we forget completly that we wane.
In my opinion you have more than basic poetic skills because words flow pleasantly and also there's plenty of mysterious figures of speech to let the reader use imagination, as in, "The torrent continues" or "Breathe. Recall the Reason"
I find a common idea here with you because some time ago I also called real death thief, "....thief death, you are stealing our things..." I said, and also ".....we wane breadth by breadth..." I'll post this here too as elsewhere, with title Time is on the other side. So I feel related but at the same time distant. What I wouldn't say, is "Each moment a lost one" that's too much, because many moments are so pleasant that we forget completly that we wane.
In my opinion you have more than basic poetic skills because words flow pleasantly and also there's plenty of mysterious figures of speech to let the reader use imagination, as in, "The torrent continues" or "Breathe. Recall the Reason"