12-15-2017, 07:43 AM
I was hoping to be left with a profound sense of the Mood by the end of the poem, but I didn't get it. The first two stanzas had great promise, but then it becomes too abstract. I would be wary of formatting the last two stanzas as questions - this will cause confusion for your readers, especially if the questions are subjective and abstract to begin with. I also don't know if the second "dead" works, it seems a bit redundant. For some reason this poem reminds me of Sartre's Nausea, but in reverse. I want to know more about this "Mood" and think you are on to something here!
"Self-knowledge is no guarantee of happiness, but it is on the side of happiness and can supply the courage to fight for it." - Simone de Beauvoir