12-12-2017, 07:50 AM
The park tunnel was long enough
to lose peripheral vision,
it dripped even in dry weather.
I would sit in the shadows,
watch kids run like bumper cars
sparking fear onto blackened bricks.
I was learning.
A test for the playground huddle.
Have you heard?
when we leave at four the Green Jackets
will be by the bridge before the park,
it's winter, it's dark.
There was this girl walking home,
on her own.
Four of them jumped her.
“What did they do, what did they do?”
They stripped her and carved Green Jackets
on her back with a razor blade.
Children spun like sycamore seeds,
coats twirling held by hoods,
a tribal chant began.
The Green Jackets are coming, maybe italicize, better quotations?
the Green Jackets are coming,
Through every class room,
the story fell like dominoes,
tears beat snot bubbles to lips.
By four o’clock the police where there
guiding the panic
through school gates
I have grown.
I see you,
vulnerable behind your screens,
I sell you God in the morning
and whiten your smile in the afternoon,
control any gullible fool who's willing to believe,
the Green Jackets are on their way.
I'm glad you hid the original in the spoiler. Maybe just crumple it up and toss it away from any influence because the way it is written now is magical in that it can fit the reader as a multi-faceted metaphor in so many circumstances of life. The number four was befitting to me though the scene of green jacket hoods was lovely parody to the situation I fit it to for myself, personally, even though after several reads I am sure it was never your intent because you cannot know me or any personal situations I am facing. Why there's not a book of Keith poems making the best seller list, I do not know. It does sound a bit hurt or maybe the pen has found a fury, I am sorry if the speaker or author has been hurt by the green jackets, but I appreciate the flow given revealing such a wonderful gift of writing.
-nibbed
to lose peripheral vision,
it dripped even in dry weather.
I would sit in the shadows,
watch kids run like bumper cars
sparking fear onto blackened bricks.
I was learning.
A test for the playground huddle.
Have you heard?
when we leave at four the Green Jackets
will be by the bridge before the park,
it's winter, it's dark.
There was this girl walking home,
on her own.
Four of them jumped her.
“What did they do, what did they do?”
They stripped her and carved Green Jackets
on her back with a razor blade.
Children spun like sycamore seeds,
coats twirling held by hoods,
a tribal chant began.
The Green Jackets are coming, maybe italicize, better quotations?
the Green Jackets are coming,
Through every class room,
the story fell like dominoes,
tears beat snot bubbles to lips.
By four o’clock the police where there
guiding the panic
through school gates
I have grown.
I see you,
vulnerable behind your screens,
I sell you God in the morning
and whiten your smile in the afternoon,
control any gullible fool who's willing to believe,
the Green Jackets are on their way.
I'm glad you hid the original in the spoiler. Maybe just crumple it up and toss it away from any influence because the way it is written now is magical in that it can fit the reader as a multi-faceted metaphor in so many circumstances of life. The number four was befitting to me though the scene of green jacket hoods was lovely parody to the situation I fit it to for myself, personally, even though after several reads I am sure it was never your intent because you cannot know me or any personal situations I am facing. Why there's not a book of Keith poems making the best seller list, I do not know. It does sound a bit hurt or maybe the pen has found a fury, I am sorry if the speaker or author has been hurt by the green jackets, but I appreciate the flow given revealing such a wonderful gift of writing.
-nibbed
there's always a better reason to love