12-11-2017, 10:12 PM
(12-11-2017, 03:49 PM)flagthrower Wrote: It started with dread and finished with embarrassment.
There was nothing to blame except the scratchy
sponge resting in my skull. hmm, probably just a personal preference, but i´d put the line breaks after "blame" and "sponge"
Grace was given and exceptions made, i like the disillusioned sound in this line
but there it was, the final hour, not sure if you talk of death or the moment of truth.. but anyway, somehow i think this line comes too soon.
and what had been achieved?
The church bells tolled,
one after the other.
The cigarette burned,
down to the stub.
Time had i wondered if you could leave out those last 3 lines.. "down to the stub" would make a good finish in my view.
run
out.
i like the "scratchy sponge" and also the line that follows.
your poem conveys some feelings, the content may be supposed to remain cryptic or i only don´t manage to see the story behind it : )
...

