Mental Block
#3
(12-11-2017, 03:49 PM)flagthrower Wrote:  It started with dread and finished with embarrassment.
There was nothing to blame except the scratchy
sponge resting in my skull.               hmm, probably just a personal preference, but i´d put the line breaks after "blame" and "sponge"

Grace was given and exceptions made,         i like the disillusioned sound in this line
but there it was, the final hour,           not sure if you talk of death or the moment of truth.. but anyway, somehow i think this line comes too soon.
and what had been achieved?      

The church bells tolled,
one after the other.                               
The cigarette burned,
down to the stub.  
Time had          i wondered if you could leave out those last 3 lines..  "down to the stub" would make a good finish in my view.
run
out.


i like the "scratchy sponge" and also the line that follows.
your poem conveys some feelings, the content may be supposed to remain cryptic or  i only don´t manage to see the story behind it : )
...
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Messages In This Thread
Mental Block - by flagthrower - 12-11-2017, 03:49 PM
RE: Mental Block - by Keith - 12-11-2017, 10:10 PM
RE: Mental Block - by vagabond - 12-11-2017, 10:12 PM
RE: Mental Block - by flagthrower - 12-12-2017, 07:39 AM
RE: Mental Block - by flowerburgers - 12-15-2017, 03:55 AM
RE: Mental Block - by nibbed - 12-15-2017, 06:23 AM
RE: Mental Block - by Lavieboheme - 12-15-2017, 08:55 AM
RE: Mental Block - by Joseph918 - 12-21-2017, 05:49 PM
RE: Mental Block - by chopblock - 12-24-2017, 12:55 PM
RE: Mental Block - by AndyBryant123 - 03-01-2018, 09:42 AM
RE: Mental Block - by Eat.think.live.peaceful - 03-01-2018, 11:00 AM
RE: Mental Block - by Trophic_Cascade - 03-04-2018, 04:53 PM
RE: Mental Block - by Silfan - 03-04-2018, 07:49 PM
RE: Mental Block - by Lorvick - 03-08-2018, 10:45 AM
RE: Mental Block - by zwubz - 03-19-2018, 01:29 PM
RE: Mental Block - by SpaceDirt - 03-25-2018, 09:57 AM
RE: Mental Block - by kaos - 03-27-2018, 03:37 PM



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