Heavenly Refinement

[Knot]

Hi nibbed

I kind of wanted to make a transition of the refinement from I to II

That was what I first thought you were attempting, but
what I kept on coming back to was
I got reeled in last night with a special gaffe.
Pulled from my wanderin' afar on a Melville raft,
"Better to sleep with a sober cannibal than a drunken Christian".
It made me laugh, then reminded me, I am neither.
particularly I got and my wanderin' afar
Neither they, nor the tone of the whole stanza, are quite as 'formal'
(or 'refined' if you prefer) as what I think you're aiming for.
Fix these, and the transition will be clearer I think.
I'd also suggest starting this stanza with 'this night' or similar
to make a clear distinction with 'that day' in S1

Similarly,
My Heavenly Father, He fluffed
all my pillows last night, tucked me in,
whispered thunders through a young preacher
hidden in reserves, unswayed by man's religiosity:
fluffed all my pillows and tucked me in
are both more 'folksy' than 'formal'

Shepherd's stick - why not crook?
If you can find a way to avoid the stick/staff repetition
that would help with the more refined tone.

Best, Knot