Purdah

[QDeathstar]

Oh baby fuck me harder. Being dominated is a theme throughout this poem, but i don't think "oh baby" really fits. It's a little light or maybe snarky for the rest of the poem
til the blood comes out my mouth
for I am meat although i like the bluntness of "i am meat" it leaves the poem a little dry in terms of fresh imagery
for your exalted hands
to shape into amphora ash
 
Don't wait to ask, I
invited you in with downcast eyes
and you heard me beg
through lips swollen shut with
truth-coloured candy stitches the middle two stanzas are the strongest for me. I can't quite get the significance of candy stitches.
 
Door open means kick down the house
let in the flood
with bloated corpses rowing paper ferries
past Charon's middle finger extended
seven times circling Elysium I don't know about masturbating to thesauruses, but this stanza was orgasmic. Love the levels here
 
Drive out the me, possessed of
clipped pennies and vagrant dreams
and transfuse essence of god these last two lines are wordy. The pronounciations are soft, they don't sound good. They've dropped the blunt edge in the phrasing. Clipped pennies doesn't seem to make a lot of sense. do you mean it in th sense of a mis-stuck penny? vagrant dreams doesn't seem too difference from the sins of man, necessarily, but you've presented thoughts that assume they are opposites.
in whose image the sins of man
spiral endlessly to Samarkand