Together, Apart (Edit One)

[Mopkins]

Together, apart

Together

He saw oversized scrubs, a body trying its very hardest  (neato oversized shrubs)
to fill every last stitch and pocket, endearingly,
honestly fit, she fashioned it and flowed freely,  (nice free fitting fabric)
through halls of his mind, two workers, perfect unison in hand and mind
chained to a soul duty, a personal creed backgrounded by a full set
of stars and stripes, uniform, with ammunition toted in a 50-pound camo backpack.
It made her back arch, ache, and upon a 95-pound frame, still bore the mass
of he and his whole world.  (hmmm "he"? i auto spoke 'him')

It was confirmed then and there. Schooling was a selfish venture
He knew his motivations incomplete, time ticked away irreverently to the real truth.
Right then and there, amidst her maze of messes,
he re-evaluated, over-analyzed his whole, picked at every fiber
getting lost and confused amidst her tachy heart rates.
If he could study the art of her mind it would lead him to
wander endlessly, analyze and adore it all  (maybe too many analyzes?  maybe assess  for a bit of variety?)
symphonies of JoJo would reverberate, rattle bones, shiver spines (huh? wtf is jojo?  the supermarket in stardew valley?  no idea!)

He silently screamed, have patience!
Her life, it’s soul independence was worth all and any treasure.
Soft, molded living gold right before his eyes, ( may be a u in moulded?)
there is so safety deposit box worthy,
no sense hoarding it, hiding this pure beauty from the world.

He did not curate, no museum tour guide classes  ( hmmm?  'curate her"?)
no ownership, nor want to make transparent glass boxes
to keep belongings in. No wall, story, or post was part of the plan;
his want for her to see the indescribable infinite beauty he saw.
What mirror could fit a pedestal so high?
Even if the subject only stood near five feet tall

Apart
He could have had her in three steps.
He made a choice that took him three steps further away (ummm maybe 'turn/path/fork/tributary/etc? over 'choice' )
from becoming the man he wanted so desperately to be.

Step one,
that man used his heart more than his brain.
He was smart enough to know how stupid smart people can be.
He let go of his metal and electric brain, sacrificed his philosophy  (hmm metal brain? mental?)
for hers, because there is no truth in Nietzsche, only truth in her.

Step two,
that man embraced worship. Made it his priority
to sit with her every weekend and feel the connection together.
He said “I want to go.”
Not “I’ll go with her.”  ( don't discern much difference between these two statements - perhaps something more to do with hesitation/reluctance to make the pilgrimage and a desire to do so?)

Step three,
that man saw all the goodness within her
proclaimed it true every day, ( true? bit blah.... verity/omnipresent/unutterable/indescribable/etc?)
told the world she was beautiful in every way.
Not just because of what she could become,
because of who she already was.
The man that looked at her('looked' bit blah 'gazed/beheld/worshipped/adored/etc'?)
saw everything he ever wanted
Because all he ever wanted was what he saw.

The choice he made instead.
His most important choice.  (yawn snore zzz too many choices!)
One he will hold with him as his only regret.
He chose not to try when it mattered most,
when she wanted him as much as he wanted her.
He chose not to seize the opportunity to become
The man he so desperately wanted to be.

He would have become that man.
If only he would have danced with her at that wedding. ('that"? not 'their'?)
If only he would have held her in that pink dress.
If only he would have told her “I miss you too” instead of telling himself “I’ll see her on Tuesday.”  ( mmm, maybe 'i'll miss you too"?)
Monday was when he lost her forever.  ( neato conclusion)


liked lots cheers for the read


edit duh just realised thats an earlier version apologies for stupidity and such