Purdah

[Leanne]

...
for I am meat
for your exalted hands
these last two lines seem comparatively weak,
'meat' is almost clichéd and without any religious significance. -- duly noted.  This will probably end up as some kind of mud/clay reference.
'exalted' (in what sense/by whom ?)
to shape into amphora ash
'shape' lacks a punch (as it were), why not 'grind'?
but 'amphora ash' is terrific.

...
and you heard me beg
just a suggestion;
and did you not hear me beg?
through lips swollen shut with
perhaps
through lips swollen shut, sealed
with truth-coloured...
truth-coloured candy stitches
'candy' seems rather anomalous. -- until you've been burned making toffee

Door open means kick down the house
let in the flood
I like this verse, but I don't get 'flood' in this context
(probably just me)
with bloated corpses rowing paper ferries
is it 'with' or 'of'? L3 doesn't seems to flow naturally out of L2
(what punctuation did you have in mind?) -- it's not a flood of corpses, it's a flood with corpses rowing on it -- I will be adding some punctuation now that I can see where people are having difficulty
past Charon's middle finger extended
do you need 'extended', it would seem to be strongly implied? -- yep, needs to be extended, both image-wise and for sonics. In traditional art, Charon beckons with an extended index finger.
seven times circling Elysium

Drive out the me, possessed of
Not too keen of this line, how about
Drive out of me the one possessed
of clipped... ? -- "the me" is distinct from the "me", separate from the image that the abuser/oppressor sees
clipped pennies and vagrant dreams
sonically 'pennies' seems a bit weak. -- historically, clipped pennies are debased -- and the vagrant is removed from society's sight
And 'vagrant' lacks power.
and transfuse essence of god
(bit close to eye of newt) -- your god is amphibious?
the essence of god?
in whose image the sins of man
...all the sins of man ?
spiral endlessly to Samarkand

Hi Leanne,
really enjoyed this, some great images (some of which I might have understood), and the title fits perfectly.
I did wonder if you'd considered the order S3,S2,S4,S1? (Gives an interesting sequence of first lines)  Just a thought.

Best, Knot.

Thanks Knot.  I think I'll leave the sequence alone as it's quite important to me, but I will take many of your comments into consideration for the edit.  I appreciate your time.