Drowning In Tedium

[shemthepenman]

Love the slant of din/everything and who could go wrong with dive/suicide?
 

Careful, rhymes is fun and can be addictive.

won’t someone stop this constant din 
of poets rhyming everything:
“oh, i’m so quirky, i’m the shit,
i’ll brighten up this place a bit,
with tediously edgy rhymes,
‘bout drinking, smoking, and sexy times;
till my bipolar takes a dive,
and i wish i’d committed suicide.”

Besides, complaining about someone else's torrent of poems seems less than self-aware considering your own recent postings where you once responded "I haven't read this in years".

The site's open to almost anything members want to post, at least you're not required to read everything.

ha! and ouch! but i’m not really complaining. just a little gentle and affectionate needling in rhyming’s direction—any implied association with mopkins’ recent prolificness i consider simply collateral damage.

---

won’t someone stop this constant din 
of poets rhyming everything:
“oh, i’m so quirky, i’m the shit,
i’ll brighten up this place a bit,
with tediously edgy rhymes,
‘bout drinking, smoking, and sexy times;
till my bipolar takes a dive,
and i wish i’d committed suicide.”

i am tempted to post another one about smoking, the most passive way to commit suicide.

cigarettes cause cancer
but this day is too long
for planning ahead
no immediate force challenges,
so i surrender
to this easy addiction,
the one repetition ingrained
to make a chemical sense.
small bursts of transmitters
to please me, the quitter.


oops, just did it.
note the forced rhyme in the last two lines and the stupid (if only coincidental) alliteration in the first

ha, very good. i gave up smoking cigarettes earlier this year. it was a fucking nightmare.

---

won’t someone stop this constant din 
of poets rhyming everything:
“oh, i’m so quirky, i’m the shit,
i’ll brighten up this place a bit,
with tediously edgy rhymes, "tediously edgy" is a bit off, meter-wise, although hilarious.
‘bout drinking, smoking, and sexy times; remove "and".
till my bipolar takes a dive,
and i wish i’d committed suicide.” sudden pentameter drags out the ending -- i feel this could be shortened, maybe by committing the modern sin (which, considering the rest of this piece, shouldn't be a sin at all) of turning "suicide" into a verb.

lol




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cheers. all suggestions logged.