If I don't then no one else will

[Keith]

Absorbed by sharp morning rain 
stood layered on a rug's clear stain,
silent shops pipe dead refrains
I elevate and screech my name. 

Image-wise, beautiful, but syntax-wise, a little messy:
Absorbed by sharp morning rain stood layered on a rug's clear stain (the rain stands on a rug?), silent shops pipe dead refrains I elevate and screech my name. (how does screeching one's name relate to elevating dead refrains? or is there supposed to be a comma between "refrains" and "I elevate", in which case what the heck does "I elevate" mean?)
It's really distracting, and I can't tell whether that's the point or not. Perhaps:
Absorbed by sharp morning rain
and stood layered on a rug's clear stain,
silent shops pipe dead refrains
I elevate -- then screech my name.
Though of course I'm not sure if those silent shops are really the subject of the first two lines or not.

Thank you RiverNotch, I sense your frustration here, I have no excuse it should have been three commas and a full stop, edited now, I elevate could mean two things, she gets on an elevator and screeches her name, and or she elevates to a place in her mind were screetching her name makes her feel alive. Not sure this works that well and it's kind of fell flat, because nobody understands it. I should probably just let it ride the eternal escalators listening to dead refrains. Thanks for taking the time with this. Best Keith