11-28-2017, 03:59 PM
I'm new here. Like "Martha, you can still smell the leather steering wheel!" So with that disclaimer, please excuse my prose in advance.
Thank you for sharing. I read your poem a number of times trying to imagine the scene and feel the emotion; the emotions behind the words you lovingly laid down. Try as might however, I couldn't "see" or "feel" you. I saw the words but they didn't have any emotion for me. So my overall comment is about the need for imagery and the need to instill emotion in the reader.
Having said that, I saw some things that caught my attention and I really liked at the end.
Thank you for sharing. I read your poem a number of times trying to imagine the scene and feel the emotion; the emotions behind the words you lovingly laid down. Try as might however, I couldn't "see" or "feel" you. I saw the words but they didn't have any emotion for me. So my overall comment is about the need for imagery and the need to instill emotion in the reader.
Having said that, I saw some things that caught my attention and I really liked at the end.
(11-14-2017, 10:39 AM)Persadia Wrote: Push
Curl up
Protect yourself
Your head
Your Heart
your Being
The onslaught
Push forward
one step
Each moment a lost one
Nothing to sink into
Nothing to become
The torrent continues
Breathe. Recall the Reason
But death, ever present. cutting
Each moment a thief <-- I liked this like and the two following
stealing your soul <-- Steal and Steel. Ah! There is some of the imagery I was seeking
steeling your soul