11-24-2017, 12:55 AM
(11-23-2017, 08:06 AM)Persadia Wrote: Open the door, room crammed with furniture i do not see the relevance of furniture here (and two lines below)
People packed in, squirming salmon in a small pond
Large dogs pacing, panting, sniffing, climbing on, off furniture maybe stop this line after "sniffing"
Scent of turkey and gravy mingle with wet dog and dry dog food. could be shorter i.e. "the turkey mingles with their food" .. although i don´t really get the purpose of those dogs.
The oppressor, fear. how does this oppressor come in?
i feal like an actor trying to make up what to play something on a script that has only these two words.
The life sacrificed, mine. might be better to describe in third person
Open doors, warm smiles, warm greetings.
Tables spread out in expansive spaces.
Great windows floor to ceiling let in soft autumn light
Glasses clinking, warm fire crackling.
Gentle laughter, soft music, conversation fill the air.
Smells of roast beef and warm bread fuse with apple cider and scrumptious pecan pies. an image of wealth and peace which the subject, who was previously sacrificed is now free to choose. i don´t understand this stanza.
The choice is mine.
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