11-21-2017, 01:58 AM
I like the sonics and overall conceit in the imagery.
(11-20-2017, 05:28 PM)vagabond Wrote: smoke signs in altitude
clouds left my mouth,
leaving me
with less breath left
to give reply.
this one goes out
into the sky,
grows furtive wings
to be unshaped
and then
to be erased in wind.--consider abandoning the parallel structure and cut "to be". I think it would read better.
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson