smoke signs
#1
smoke signs                                            (edit thanks to Keith, Todd, Nibbed and Knot)

shapes of clouds
are leaving me
with less breath left
to give replies.
this one goes out
into the sky,
spreads fleeting wings
once more to be
erased in wind.


smoke signs in altitude

clouds left my mouth,
leaving me
with less breath left
to give reply.
this one goes out
into the sky,
grows furtive wings
to be unshaped
and then
to be erased in wind.

as always (though in misc) heavy crit on form, grammar and whatever would be welcomed, as well as (and that´s why it´s in misc) interpretation/ short feedback on what it says.. though i guess there´s not so much to interpret here
...
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Messages In This Thread
smoke signs - by vagabond - 11-20-2017, 05:28 PM
RE: smoke signs - by Keith - 11-21-2017, 01:31 AM
RE: smoke signs - by Todd - 11-21-2017, 01:58 AM
RE: smoke signs - by nibbed - 11-21-2017, 02:49 AM
RE: smoke signs - by Knot - 11-21-2017, 04:24 AM
RE: smoke signs - by vagabond - 11-21-2017, 06:50 AM
RE: smoke signs - by nibbed - 11-29-2017, 12:13 AM



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