11-17-2017, 04:38 AM
Hi RiverNotch
I think the title and the final stanza (adding 'that' before 'no smiling...) work well
and are sufficient by themselves. Though 'beholder' is a bit clunky.
The rest seems to me to be confusing and fragmented.
I don't think starting with the contraction 'can't' works.
In what sense are you using 'should' in S1? And 'never'?
Got lost in S1, remained lost in S2.
Though I would like to know why 'description' is a 'vital art', found that intriguing.
The parenthetical stanza (though 'the implied' is excellent) doesn't do much at all for this piece.
Best, Knot
I think the title and the final stanza (adding 'that' before 'no smiling...) work well
and are sufficient by themselves. Though 'beholder' is a bit clunky.
The rest seems to me to be confusing and fragmented.
I don't think starting with the contraction 'can't' works.
In what sense are you using 'should' in S1? And 'never'?
Got lost in S1, remained lost in S2.
Though I would like to know why 'description' is a 'vital art', found that intriguing.
The parenthetical stanza (though 'the implied' is excellent) doesn't do much at all for this piece.
Best, Knot