Third Draft: Sleepless

[nibbed]

Hi Richard. I am sorry I didn't get to your poem sooner.
I tried to post earlier and things got wonky on me.
Seems you've shined it up good, just a couple things
I noticed, to take or leave:


Sleepless

Eye-lids offer soft darkness,                                                     -The hyphen in eyelids is quite noticeable to me.
at best, a failed distraction.
You can't stop thinking of your son's plush bear,
the one he never plays with.

Then your panic wakes up,                                                      -I wondered how panic wakes up, isn't it always awake, alert?
pushes you out of bed-
Did you buy more of his favorite crackers?
He won't eat anything else for breakfast.
Silence answers, using the same tone
as when it speaks for him.

Night was once welcomed.
The stars were happy dreamers,
but now they are additional gawkers                                          -although I know you want to convey that the stars are also watching
who watch his tip-toe walk.                                                                                                the word additional seems clunky to me.



After reading your spoiler yesterday, I was happy I was
edging along on the right track. I hope my few
notations were helpful to you.


-nibbed