Push
#9
(11-14-2017, 10:39 AM)Persadia Wrote:  Push                                                 Not sure if the title fits

Curl up                                               an exclamation point might work here                             

Protect yourself                                   a colon?
Your head
Your Heart
your Being
                                                     why the mix of capitals, why no punctuation?

The onslaught                                    

Push forward
one step


Each moment a lost one

Nothing to sink into
Nothing to become


The torrent continues

Breathe.  Recall the Reason                              

But death, ever present.  cutting                          not sure cutting fits, perhaps imposing?

Each moment a thief
stealing your soul
steeling your soul                                                          this is where the contradiction works.

The curling up made me think of an armadillo or a rolley-polley bug. Forgive me for the hodge-podge format, I worried I wouldn't be able to fit all I may need to. The poem lacks proper punct and capitalization.The meter seems fine, though. I looked up the word steeling because I was thinking metal,  but now it fits nicely. I wondered if you were aiming for minimalism. I'm going to check out Lizzie's suggestion to the links, too, because I am sure it will be a blessing.

-nibbed
there's always a better reason to love
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Messages In This Thread
Push - by Persadia - 11-14-2017, 10:39 AM
RE: Push - by Lizzie - 11-14-2017, 10:57 AM
RE: Push - by vagabond - 11-15-2017, 01:13 AM
RE: Push - by alonso ramoran - 11-15-2017, 05:34 AM
RE: Push - by homer1950 - 11-15-2017, 05:42 AM
RE: Push - by bloated_corpse - 11-15-2017, 05:58 AM
RE: Push - by Persadia - 11-16-2017, 01:17 AM
RE: Push - by vagabond - 11-16-2017, 06:32 AM
RE: Push - by Lizzie - 11-16-2017, 02:25 AM
RE: Push - by nibbed - 11-16-2017, 03:33 AM
RE: Push - by tony3 - 11-17-2017, 07:12 AM
RE: Push - by Achebe - 11-17-2017, 09:12 AM
RE: Push - by GVBOY1966 - 11-28-2017, 03:59 PM
RE: Push - by Bloodline - 11-30-2017, 08:03 PM
RE: Push - by Mopkins - 12-04-2017, 09:35 PM
RE: Push - by Psychonyxx - 12-05-2017, 06:53 AM
RE: Push - by Rorf Asalis - 12-16-2017, 03:22 AM
RE: Push - by ritwiksadhu33 - 01-27-2018, 04:18 AM
RE: Push - by therabbitisme - 01-30-2018, 06:35 AM
RE: Push - by gconrad - 02-13-2018, 12:14 AM
RE: Push - by moot - 02-25-2018, 10:39 PM



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