Push

[Lizzie]

There's obviously a lot of meaning and detail behind your words that isn't coming through, and I believe it's because you're telling us about emotion and not showing it (although, in some places, it doesn't seem that you're showing or telling). It's difficult for me to explain, so I'll give you some links to people who do explain it well. Hope this helps you some.

Show Not Tell: What the Heck is that Anyway?

Show, Don't (Just) Tell

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Sensory/Descriptive