11-15-2017, 05:34 AM
Hi Persadia! Welcome to the forum
Ideas here such as onslaught, the Reason, and death are used within such few lines that do almost nothing to contribute to those ideas. I'd suggest expanding on these ideas to keep it from becoming a generic work. You started getting specific towards the end with "each moment a thief", and although I'd go with "is a thief", I would enjoy seeing where you take that concept. Good luck with the piece.
Best, Alex
Ideas here such as onslaught, the Reason, and death are used within such few lines that do almost nothing to contribute to those ideas. I'd suggest expanding on these ideas to keep it from becoming a generic work. You started getting specific towards the end with "each moment a thief", and although I'd go with "is a thief", I would enjoy seeing where you take that concept. Good luck with the piece.
Best, Alex