11-15-2017, 01:13 AM
(11-14-2017, 10:39 AM)Persadia Wrote: Push
Curl up
Protect yourself i think this is just another way to say curl up (and curl up is stronger if not repeated).. am also not sure what the following 3 lines add, especially "Being"
Your head
Your Heart
your Being
The onslaught which onslaught?
Push forward when and especially why did the subject get up and decide to push instead of curl up?
one step
Each moment a lost one
Nothing to sink into don´t know if "sink into" should mean "be surrounded and protected by something".. first i thought it meant "nothing to dissolve into" but that would be an illogical statement
Nothing to become
The torrent continues ..see onslaught
Breathe. Recall the Reason one tiny example of a reason would suffice to drag me into the poem much more than a capitalized, anonymous Reason.
But death, ever present. cutting you might do more with cutting.. like cutting bit by bit or write slicing (like you slice a loaf of bread.. til it´s gone)
Each moment a thief
stealing your soul
steeling your soul soul is a vague idea, i think it is not so much affected by time as the body.. not sure about moments being thieves.. the dead don´t get any more moments, so to the living they have the potential to be presents.
.. a wild guess would be that your poem is about purpose, motivation,... the lack thereof can really in a way "steal your soul" (though maybe it is more like wasting away than being taken away by some outside force)
please don´t mind my notes too much.. i probably often get too extensive and assume too much when doing a crit.
...

