Third Draft: Sleepless

[jackjackjack]

Second Draft:

Sleepless

Eye-lids offer soft darkness,                                     I'm not keen on starting any poem without opening with the subject, 
at best, a failed distraction.                                     in this case 'you'. This could be remedied by swapping sentences around perhaps. 
You can't stop thinking of your son's plush bear,        Or it might be an idea to join these two sentences with a conjunction?
the one he never plays with.                                   
 
Then your panic wakes up,                                      I like the idea of personifying 'panic' but I think it could be taken further here. What else could panic do?
pushes you out of bed-
Did you buy more of his favorite crackers?                
He won't eat anything else for breakfast.                   Nice detail, brings it home.
Silence answers, using the same tone
as when it speaks for him.                                       and everyone surely? why just him? this could be an opportunity to widen the focus of the poem.

Night was once welcomed.                                       like this, but why isn't night welcome anymore? not sure the previous stance has earned this entirely
The stars were happy dreamers,                               love this phrase
but now they are additional gawkers
who watch his tip-toe walk.                                      and this, but is the child wandering around at night? if so, why not have him wake Daddy up properly? 


hope this help at all, Jack