11-14-2017, 08:26 AM
"The scent sprawled out like a painting" you have a large variety of amazing metaphors/similes in your poem but this one just doesn't seem to work. The first part is great but it looses its touch with the "like a painting". Maybe try using something different to compare it to.
"i left and
never looked back" The layout of these two lines look awkward. Try combining them "i left and never looked back" or re-aranging e.g.
"i left
and never looked back"
My only other suggestion would be to put a break in the very last line. "china-girl let go" instead try something like "china-girl, let go".
This is an amazing poem and the message goes very deep. I enjoyed reading this one.
"i left and
never looked back" The layout of these two lines look awkward. Try combining them "i left and never looked back" or re-aranging e.g.
"i left
and never looked back"
My only other suggestion would be to put a break in the very last line. "china-girl let go" instead try something like "china-girl, let go".
This is an amazing poem and the message goes very deep. I enjoyed reading this one.