11-05-2017, 02:32 AM
A nicely drawn sketch and a last line that works very well indeed.
Though having 'stutters' in both the title and first line is, I think, a negative.
The format also seems to highlight just how much is superfluous:
Our conversation stutters,
which
is [that's] not surprising, seeing
that
we're people of a certain age.
But having known each other
for
six decades, sister-brother,
we,
when one becomes uncoupled
from
a train of thought, the other
tends
to pipe up with a word for
which
the first was vainly searching ---
alternative:
[from [their] train of thought, [well]
the other tends to pipe up
with [just] the word [they wanted]]
makes
you wonder why we talk at all.
Best, Knot
Though having 'stutters' in both the title and first line is, I think, a negative.
The format also seems to highlight just how much is superfluous:
Our conversation stutters,
which
is [that's] not surprising, seeing
that
we're people of a certain age.
But having known each other
for
six decades, sister-brother,
we,
when one becomes uncoupled
from
a train of thought, the other
tends
to pipe up with a word for
which
the first was vainly searching ---
alternative:
[from [their] train of thought, [well]
the other tends to pipe up
with [just] the word [they wanted]]
makes
you wonder why we talk at all.
Best, Knot