11-01-2017, 04:07 AM
Hi, Huckleberry. The poem seems to relate a lot of truth,
glimmers only at hope, seeming very sad, too.
Don’t make a noise, don’t break a stick,
A candle without a wick; the meter is off here, but the message seems clear.
Go silently their way along,
Days are so short, nights are so long.
Does it matter when hope is gone
For those willing to be bygone?
Nights are too bright, life is too thick;
There are men who just never sleep. I am thinking "there will always be men who never sleep"
Their tearless eyes looking aghast, maybe just "look" or "looked"
Knight defending the last turret, These 3 lines describing sorts is really good.
Butterflies lost in the desert,
Princes of ephemeral past,
They freeze at the Lilliputian
Miserly sight of the ocean, How could this be?! <3
Its nights too bright, its life so thick, It's
There are men who just never sleep.
There once was a mighty princess,
An Eldorado, a bright star, I smiled and thought to change the last O in eldorado to an a making it an A, eldorada hahaha
Her orbit turned them to ageless, don't know why, silly thought.
A wreck, a nothing, a sandbar,
A light house that in the dark
Dreams of sailing home the lost ark. I love this line.
Nights are too bright, life is a blight;
There are men just waiting to die. this line is very sad.
I wasn't sure about the repetition of the last line on each stanza and considered it might make a good title, but...I think the poem is being hard on someone, perhaps the speaker, or someone else. I thought about "lost (your first) love" from the book of Revelation, because it mentioned a candle without the wick. The line "dreams of sailing home the lost ark" was fabulous and it sprung out at me as something victorious. I could imagine a poem written from that one line alone. It makes me want to google earth Mt Ararat. I thought often while reading this of the Holy Spirit and how I wonder when and why He moves. Sorry if I offered too much.
Have a blessed day.
nibbed
glimmers only at hope, seeming very sad, too.
Don’t make a noise, don’t break a stick,
A candle without a wick; the meter is off here, but the message seems clear.
Go silently their way along,
Days are so short, nights are so long.
Does it matter when hope is gone
For those willing to be bygone?
Nights are too bright, life is too thick;
There are men who just never sleep. I am thinking "there will always be men who never sleep"
Their tearless eyes looking aghast, maybe just "look" or "looked"
Knight defending the last turret, These 3 lines describing sorts is really good.
Butterflies lost in the desert,
Princes of ephemeral past,
They freeze at the Lilliputian
Miserly sight of the ocean, How could this be?! <3
Its nights too bright, its life so thick, It's
There are men who just never sleep.
There once was a mighty princess,
An Eldorado, a bright star, I smiled and thought to change the last O in eldorado to an a making it an A, eldorada hahaha
Her orbit turned them to ageless, don't know why, silly thought.
A wreck, a nothing, a sandbar,
A light house that in the dark
Dreams of sailing home the lost ark. I love this line.
Nights are too bright, life is a blight;
There are men just waiting to die. this line is very sad.
I wasn't sure about the repetition of the last line on each stanza and considered it might make a good title, but...I think the poem is being hard on someone, perhaps the speaker, or someone else. I thought about "lost (your first) love" from the book of Revelation, because it mentioned a candle without the wick. The line "dreams of sailing home the lost ark" was fabulous and it sprung out at me as something victorious. I could imagine a poem written from that one line alone. It makes me want to google earth Mt Ararat. I thought often while reading this of the Holy Spirit and how I wonder when and why He moves. Sorry if I offered too much.
Have a blessed day.
nibbed
there's always a better reason to love