A Night In ICU When Mother Is Dying

[Richard]

Hey 71degrees,
I like the overall idea here. I do have some thoughts though:

A far door swings open and a doctor
and a nurse waltz in like synced-dancers. -The wording "waltz in" bothers me. It is almost cliched, but it works with your metaphor. I would suggest changing it to "enter".
No words, one in a white coat, the other
in a V-neck solid blue top. Adorned
with silver watches, matching black
stethoscopes

                      each carries a platinum chart. -I'm not sure about this spacing choice, but I do love the way the nurse and doctor are described here. The word "Adorned" in particular carries a lot of weight in suggesting how the speaker feels about them.

In Room 627, all but one line has been taken
out, bluish-morphine is every hour -I like the line breaks here. It emphasizes all the right words.
on the hour. Plastic pens click, a head sinks
into a white pillow like a fallen snow angel -I quite like this simile. It is a sad, but beautiful way to describe someone dying.

the two of them
two-step quickly down
the polished linoleum floor, past all
closed doors— -I would suggest ending on the "closed doors". I think it is a suitable image to end with.

proud and confident, young and living
among a floor of the soon dead. -I agree with Achebe that this isn't the strongest last line, but I think you need the info in the second last line. I'm going to make a suggestion that your last two stanzas should be combined and read something like this:

Proud and confident, young and living,
the two of them
two-step quickly down
the polished linoleum floor, past all
closed doors.
It doesn't have to be exactly like this, but I think you get my point.

There is a lot to like here, and I look forward to seeing where you go from here.

Cheers,
Richard