Camazotz, revision 4

[Lizzie]

Hi Lizzie,

love what you've done with the first line,
instantly funny, made me laugh. Thanks to Todd, on this one.
There seems to be more to be gained
from altering some of the line breaks -
I'm one of those people now
whose fantasies actualize
choosing a paint swatch              - for instance. Changed.

I think you could switch 'hissing cockroaches'
and 'scorpions' around (to play off 'slanders') Changed.

Would your dogs work as
Pomeranian, Pekingese,
Chihuahua, Shih Tzu.   ?  I tried this to get Pomeranian closer to vermin, but all of the 'p' sounds seemed too close together then. I didn't want the alliteration to call so much attention to itself.


What would Bukowski say?
Whine, whine, wine.
(This seems to beg for a raised glass, or a popping cork) Interesting. Yeah, I'll try that out. 

Cheers, Knot.

Thanks for coming back, Knot. Appreciate the feedback.