Camazotz, revision 4

[Knot]

Hi Lizzie,

love what you've done with the first line,
instantly funny, made me laugh.
There seems to be more to be gained
from altering some of the line breaks -
I'm one of those people now
whose fantasies actualize
choosing a paint swatch              - for instance.

I think you could switch 'hissing cockroaches'
and 'scorpions' around (to play off 'slanders')

Would your dogs work as
Pomeranian, Pekingese,
Chihuahua, Shih Tzu.   ?  


What would Bukowski say?
Whine, whine, wine.
(This seems to beg for a raised glass, or a popping cork)

Cheers, Knot.