Camazotz, revision 4

[Lizzie]

Hey vagabond! Thanks for stopping by.

strange, how anything that is there in vast quantities seems to lose worth.  Exactly.


but nicely dressed and less maligned.          .. i keep continuing this in my mind to ".. but more aligned.." probably not intended that way, or was it? No, I hadn't thought of that.

(never heard that cockroaches hiss) Check out this link.

tranquilized last stanza That's a good way of putting it.       

 i do like "field" here, can´t explain easily why (in my head) it opposes the somehow soothing thought of the preceding line and becomes kind of creepy with the last line. Yeah, there's an ominous feeling to the town in L'Engle's novel, and so it's appropriate that this uneasiness comes through. I'm glad it does, in fact.
                        

Thanks for all the comments, and I'll think on the points you raised.

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A few quick things, and I'll try to get to the revision later tonight--when I have some uninterrupted time. Is your speaker, "Meg" or are you just visiting the world as someone more neutral?

Also, if you stay away from Charlie and go with Charles you can capture Bukowski and Wallace in the same part. They probably both hated Charlie if I'm remembering the source material.

Ok, I put in Charles like you said. Good call out.

I wasn't trying to provide a very tight representation of the book's characters......although that's an interesting idea. I'd have to go back and read the book again before I started a project like that.

Also, I forgot the dog's names, so I put that back in. I always forget something....