10-20-2017, 03:27 AM
Todd,
much smoother for the revision, I think (though I'd question the comma after 'insomniacs').
My only crit would be that the second stanza seems to be missing a third line,
the thought feels/reads as unresolved - though given that you could argue
that they are waiting on a breeze, that may be intentional.
Best, Knot.
much smoother for the revision, I think (though I'd question the comma after 'insomniacs').
My only crit would be that the second stanza seems to be missing a third line,
the thought feels/reads as unresolved - though given that you could argue
that they are waiting on a breeze, that may be intentional.
Best, Knot.