10-20-2017, 01:01 AM
Hi Todd,
nice images, sparse but still readable
A couple of cut 'n' paste suggestions to do with flow:
The wild trees, bare of leaves,
seem like fellow insomniacs,
under the dry light of the forest.
Stationary pinwheels, unblown flowers are.
I stand in the dirt, shifting
from foot to foot,
knowing the end will be
nothing like this.
Or,
The wild trees, bare of leaves,
seem like fellow insomniacs.
[In] the dry light of the forest
I stand in the dirt shifting
from foot to foot, [among] flowers
unblown, stationary pinwheels,
knowing the end
will be nothing like this.
Best, Knot
nice images, sparse but still readable
A couple of cut 'n' paste suggestions to do with flow:
The wild trees, bare of leaves,
seem like fellow insomniacs,
under the dry light of the forest.
Stationary pinwheels, unblown flowers are.
I stand in the dirt, shifting
from foot to foot,
knowing the end will be
nothing like this.
Or,
The wild trees, bare of leaves,
seem like fellow insomniacs.
[In] the dry light of the forest
I stand in the dirt shifting
from foot to foot, [among] flowers
unblown, stationary pinwheels,
knowing the end
will be nothing like this.
Best, Knot